I wrote a tamed down version of this for my actual business blog but then decided to post it here first as is, because after all, it’s been a HUGE part of my healing journey and the lessons I’ve learned along the way and continue to.
As you can read from Our Story on my Bee Sensual website, out of the desire for no nasties on my skin, I’ve been creating natural skin care for years (a lot of that time for myself). However, when Harlan and I moved back from Australia mid-July 2011, I decided that as well as starting out a huge new business as beekeepers – pollinating, rearing queens, honey – why not throw in a little extra challenge of starting up a natural skin care business. That’s how I’ve been known to roll at times…self pressure to the max!
In those early months is when my logo was born. I found a wonderful designer to work with who brought it into computer form for me and from there the steps began to be taken:
Website…
Labels…
Product development and testing…
Tears…
Creating and refining final products…
Mistakes…
Big mistakes… (but I’ve learned a lot from them)
Beautiful scents…
Fear…
Excitement…
I placed so much pressure on myself, and having been born a perfectionist, everything had to be’ just so’ otherwise I’d pull the whip out and start abusing myself. You can guess what came next…a body breakdown. My body was like, ‘what the…, are you serious, we can’t deal with this constant level of stress…’ And like many people, I took only a little time out (because physically I had no choice), and then I was back in there the moment I saw any signs of improvement…not only determined to get Bee Sensual launched by a certain date, but fighting with my body on its healing journey at the same time.
Anyway, that is a whole story unto itself, but the basic point is that since Bee Sensual has been running I have been on a rollercoaster with my health because I didn’t listen to my body back in 2012. I literally didn’t listen to my gut crying out for a break and some emotional kindness and one thing led to another and I developed a fistula (I’ve done a lot of EFT around releasing the self-blame around that one). I wouldn’t be here writing this blog if I hadn’t stressed myself into a pickle back then 😉
This health journey has been gruelling at times, yet throughout the process I have been learning. More and more. Slowly sometimes, and with my body needing to remind me a number of times before I get the point. And those who know me will tell you that I’m always keen for more learning and research, so I suppose in that regard it’s been a good thing 😉 Bee Sensual has been like a fire burning inside me. Sometimes when I’ve been in my darkest hours I’ve just wanted to throw it all in and douse it with gallons of water so that I don’t have to deal with the pressure of business, other times it has been like a guiding light. Pulling me out of a hole because I had things I had to do and focus on besides myself. And, anyway, the flames looked so pretty and enticing!
Most importantly, though, through this journey my dream for Bee Sensual has changed and blossomed. It grew out of a dream for natural skin care, using no nasties and the wonderful healing products of bees; ‘sensual’ for the self connection opportunity it would create. Then I began exploring the word ‘sensual’ more and tied in with that ‘mindfulness’ and how necessary it is to simply live in this one moment as often as we can. And I saw Bee Sensual products as a way to remind us to become mindful in that moment we gently apply them…taking in the smells and textures and sensation on the skin.
And from that came the most important of all…gentle self-love.
Realising how much I’ve berated myself in my life and beaten myself up, in younger years seeking perfection and a body that only airbrushed models have, seeking a type of persona that I thought I ‘should’ have. I knew it was vital to change this.
There is a saying:
You cannot truly take care of that which you do not love.
So, if I look at my skin and feel frustrated and disappointed by the wrinkles around my eyes, or I curse the scars from the teenage days of picking pimples, or I want to hide away the too many freckles or mingled discolouration, am I really loving myself? Am I treating myself the way I would a friend?
The answer is a big NO!
So how can I expect to truly take care of myself? How can I expect my body, which is only doing its best (always) with what it’s presented with, to feel energetic, vibrant and healthy? We need to send our bodies love. Let me say that again…it is essential that we send our bodies and ourselves love. By creating stress in our systems around what we see in the mirror, or how we should be acting, we only further deplete our energy and resilience. We’ve got to love what we see first and the rest will flow. We can’t wait for the day we find a magical miracle cream that takes away wrinkles, or an injection that paralyses our skin into non-expression. This may bring a few moments of happiness, but then we will simply find the next thing to hate or berate.
We need to love. Simple. Yet not so simple at all! Self-love seems to be one of those really tricky, confusing concepts that gets thrown at us at some point in our lives. How do I do that? you may ask. Well, I definitely don’t have all the answers (or any for that matter), but I know that through necessity, practice, constant reminders and perseverance, I love myself a lot more than I did when Bee Sensual first began.
One of my dreams now, is that through our beautiful Bee Sensual products, made with love, those using them will find moments to be still and present and send their precious self some much needed love. Remember this…even if it’s only twice a day when you moisturise, that’s all it takes…it is the simple act of planting the self-love seed that, over time and with regular nourishment, will grow into a beautiful self-love plant that blossoms in ways that you never thought possible!
Love and healing,
Kali